Women look like they're winning the dating game, but in reality they're losing big time.
In Part 1, I discussed how straight men are increasingly giving up on women, preferring to go it alone rather than deal with the drama of modern dating and the risk of being labelled a "creep" for innocently showing interest in females.
Unsurprisingly, this is having negative repercussions for men, who are experiencing unprecedented levels of sexlessness. In years gone by, such a massive number of unpartnered, sexually unfulfilled young men would have meant skyrocketing crime and civil unrest. I, and others, suspect the main reason we’re not seeing this at present is because single men are currently being pacified by a constant drip of electronic dope in the form of online porn. The question is, what happens when young men get sick of trying to obtain sexual fulfillment from a computer screen?
And even if online porn continues to pacify, is this really the kind of society we want? Should we be proud of a society where, after years of being denigrated by feminists and disenchanted by females with seemingly unrealistic expectations, increasing numbers of men would rather play computer games and whack off to porn?
An increasingly asexual dystopia does not a healthy society make.
In this installment, we'll look at what's happening to modern women, and how both their role as sexual gatekeepers and their dating behaviour has been grossly distorted by two factors I consider overwhelmingly harmful:
Online dating and hook-up culture.
Youth is Wasted on the Young
In my 50-plus years on this highly dysfunctional planet, I've observed a general pattern of behaviour among women that evolves over time.
During the teen years, girls tend to physically mature earlier than boys. This is accompanied by an increased interest in boys, who are yet to reciprocate the same degree of attraction. At this age, girls are pinning pictures of male pop idols and actors on their walls, but boys are still idolizing male sports stars and superheroes.
Then boys start to physically mature, and their bodies start secreting enough testosterone to enhance a team of Eastern bloc weightlifters. At this point, they start taking a much keener interest in the opposite sex.
By the time women reach their twenties, they realize they are a pursued commodity, and the supply and demand mentality kicks in. When your services are in demand, you up the price, so to speak. It is during their twenties that, overall, women are by far at their smarmiest, most flippant and most obnoxious towards the opposite sex.
In recent times, female twenty-something arrogance has been amplified by two factors: The rise of online dating and hook-up culture.
Online dating is now the default method for seeking romantic partners and sexual liaisons. It's a method that places men at a distinct disadvantage, because the average female dating profile will receive far more responses than a male one. In response to a 2022 survey, 54% of women said they had felt overwhelmed by the number of messages they received on dating sites or apps in the past year, while just a quarter of men said the same.
Making things worse for men is that 85% of Tinder users are between the ages of 18 and 34, with most active users in their twenties. That means the majority of men using this app are trying to get interest from women at the peak of their desirability and selectivity.
If you start researching this subject online, you'll quickly come across articles claiming 80% of women are competing for the 'top' 20% of men on dating apps. "Women Say 80% of Men Are “Below Average” claim the headlines. Given that 99% of women don’t even begin to spark my inner Antonio (granted, I live in Australia, one of the fattest, most alcoholic, drug-addled and feminazied countries in the world), I didn't find this particularly newsworthy. For a moment, I was actually starting to think women were becoming more realistic in their expectations.
Then I looked at the Tinder stats below.
When it comes to online dating, the situation for men is looking far worse than the commonly cited 80/20 ratio. The data shows women will dismiss 95% of matches they receive from men. Male users, in contrast, will only dismiss 47% of the matches they receive.
Despite their dismal odds, dating apps are still popular with men. Because they take away the sting of face-to-face rejection, dating apps hold an inherent appeal to men who are too shy or nervous to approach women in real life (read: most men). This flood of online attention leads women using these apps to have an inflated view of their attractiveness to the opposite sex.
But just how genuine is all this interest young women are receiving?
The aforementioned 2022 survey found men who have used a dating platform in the past year were much more likely than women to admit casual sex was a major reason (31% versus 13%).
A 2016 study found male Tinder users were also significantly more likely to list casual sex as a reason for using the app.
As part of that study, the researchers created an equal number of fake female and male Tinder profiles. The female profiles received 8,248 male matches, while the male profiles received only 532 female matches. The female profiles, in other words, had a sixteen-fold higher response rate than the male ones.
Part of this is probably due to the cultural norm that expects men to make the first move. But another major reason for the staggering disparity in response rates soon became apparent. When the researchers surveyed Tinder users, 33% of men admitted using the “I casually like most profiles” strategy regularly, while 93% of women reported exclusively liking profiles they were explicitly attracted to.
What this means is that a significant portion of men see online dating as a numbers game. They swipe or respond to profiles not out of genuine interest, but as part of a scattergun approach designed to improve their otherwise grim odds of finding matches. Women at the receiving end of all this attention might assume they're a hot commodity, but chances are the guy has barely even looked at their profile.
He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not. Probably Not.
Hook-up culture is also leaving women with a highly exaggerated view of their attractiveness to men. Responses to a 2004-2005 UK survey found one of the primary motivations for women engaging in casual sex was the belief such encounters would validate their attractiveness. Many of the women reported being sorely disappointed and ashamed when they realized this wasn't the case.
It truly beats me how any woman could think sex with a stranger - who they essentially know nothing about, who they have not even begun to subject to any kind of vetting process - could in any way constitute a validation of their attractiveness. To me, it's a validation of poor judgement, gullibility and lack of control, and I know for a fact many other guys feel the same way. Especially when the hook-up occurs in drunken, dimly-lit conditions, as is often the case.
It also stuns me that, in this day and age, so many women still remain so woefully ignorant about male motivations for casual sex. If I ever come back in another life as a female, you can be 100% sure I will never engage in casual sex encounters. I won't care if the guy is built like an Adonis, looks like Richard Grieco Jr in his pre-alcoholic heyday, evinces a 200 IQ and owns a cannoli factory.
Why not?
Because I'm a guy who has known lots of other guys. I know full well how guys talk after "nailing" a casual randomette and, a lot of the time, it ain't pretty. While women sit by the phone waiting for the guy to call, the guy is often on the phone to his buddies, recounting every not-so-glorious detail in language that is anything but flattering.
My advice to women contemplating casual sex encounters is to ask themselves:
"Am I okay with this guy never calling me again after I shared the most intimate part of myself with him, or if he does, only because he thinks I'm easy sex? Am I okay with him boasting to all his friends about what we did while they all laugh and high five each other? Am I okay with being referred to as 'some random' that he 'scored' at the club? If I get adventurous or especially enthusiastic during the encounter, am I okay with him and his buddies likening me to a 'dirty whore' with 'no shame'?"
If you're not okay with any of that, my advice is give the encounter a miss, because those scenarios are quite common.
While women engage in casual sex for a variety of reasons, for men there is one overriding motive: Sex.
Similar to online dating, an ability to engage in casual sex encounters with 'high quality' males leaves women under the impression that they are a hot commodity. The term 'high quality' males, by the way, does not necessarily refer to men with traits like honesty, decency, intelligence and maturity. In research and discussions pertaining to mating, it refers to traits like physical attractiveness, social status and earning capacity, which trigger a woman's evolutionary-ingrained drive to find a healthy, resource-rich partner who will maximize her odds of survival and reproductive success.
What a staggering number of women still don't seem to get is that most guys apply two different sets of standards for casual sex and for long-term relationships. If you meet a man's minimum threshold of physical attractiveness and look or sound like you're "good to go," then you pretty much qualify for casual sex. A woman might think she's unleashed some romantic and sexual spark in the guy, but the primary judging criteria he's employing are ease of access and whether her physical attractiveness will suffice for a casual encounter.
In contrast, qualifying for a long-term presence in a man's life - especially a discerning male - requires a whole lot more than just looks and permissiveness. As a long-term proposition, a man will be judging how compatible and agreeable your personalities are, how intelligent and emotionally stable you seem, and whether you'll make a good mother. Quite frankly, performing acts that would make a farm animal blush within an hour of meeting him at a bar doesn't bode well for your rankings in most of those categories.
Given their different motivations for engaging in one night stands, it should come as little surprise that studies repeatedly show a far higher proportion of women regret casual sex encounters than men. But many women are slow learners. It will often take a string of unfulfilling casual encounters before they begin to realize that pursuing dating success by boinking strangers is like using gambling as a wealth creation strategy; even if you have a 'win' every now and then, you almost always end up a loser.
I should state at this point that I don’t think the casual sex habit is optimal for men, either. While societal attitudes tend to judge women more harshly for “screwing around,” promiscuous males who think they’re winning the mating game are actually developing a set of judging criteria and values that will impair their odds of securing - and keeping - a high quality female in the long term.
Tick, Tick … Boom
Reality starts to bite for single women when they enter their thirties. The dopamine hits and ego boosts from all those superficial casual encounters, Tinder swipes and vacation hook-ups 'holiday romances' proved fleeting, and failed to secure a quality partner. Which is a problem, because not only are their looks starting to fade, but their biological clock is starting to tick louder and louder. By the time she reaches her late thirties, the odds of a woman falling pregnant have fallen dramatically, while her odds of miscarrying if she does conceive are greatly increased.
Men, who it turns out aren't all the dumb slabs of concrete many women assume, know this too.
Consciously or subconsciously, women begin to realize that the supply and demand equation is no longer working in their favour. It's no coincidence that a lot of women begin to lose the flippant, smug attitude towards men during their thirties.
By the time they are in their forties, it's a whole new ball game for single women. Excepting the occasional Eva Longoria, giving birth is now highly unlikely. In fact, for women who've subjected their bodies to countless late nights of clubbing, alcohol, party drugs, and a chlamydia-inducing body count that rivals the Russia-Ukraine conflict, giving birth to a healthy baby in their forties is about as likely as winning the female Tour de France - while pedaling backwards.
While you get the occasional ball of bitterness that has been through several divorces and hates not just men but pretty much the whole world, women in their 40s tend to be much more approachable and far less rude than they were in their 20s. They're now flirting with the same type of men they flippantly dismissed during their 20s.
Problem is, for most men it's a case of too little, too late.
Qoura user "Jordan" sums the situation up quite nicely:
"You may think it is 'unrealistic' that a girl who is say a 2 out of 10 is saying that you need to be six feet tall, six figure income, six pack abs and six inches or don’t bother even messaging her. That she wouldn’t even consider the average guy, her being well below average. But the truth is the top 5% of guys is willing to 'hit it' with her. So she thinks she has a shot at landing that top 5% guy. So she ends up chasing the top 5% of guy hoping to catch him. Sadly for her she will find he 'won’t commit' and 'treats her bad', etc. Sure he may go through the motions and words of commitment but really he is just 'hitting it'. In reality that top 5% guy just is banging all the girls and only going to 'hit it' and be in a 'friends with benefits' with her and many other girls at once and will not commit to any girl. He will just keep banging all the girls. He is the top 5%. What is true for our 2 out of 10 example above is true for girls with higher (and lower) ratings as well. This is the current day dating landscape."
Some of you might be thinking there's no way a "top 5% guy" will “hit it” with a "2 out of 10" female, but stranger things have happened. If I was female, I'm pretty confident I'd find loud-mouthed bearded guys with toxic personalities and eagle tats across their chest repulsive, but there's no denying Conor McGregor has the kind of fame and wealth that would nonetheless appeal to many women. That didn't stop the married fighter from taking a clearly overweight female of questionable repute by the hand and disappearing into a toilet stall at an NBA game in June of this year (in what strongly reeks of a shakedown, the portly lass then accused McGregor of sexual assault, despite video footage of her sitting closely and laughing with him after the allegedly "violent" restroom visit).
Bill Clinton doesn’t exactly meet my idea of tall, dark and handsome, either - more like pale, ugly and creepy. Nonetheless, as President of the United States, it’s again fair to say he possessed the social status and resource availability that many women found attractive. But when he decided to risk his Presidency by engaging in some extracurricular activity, who did he choose?
A chubby, nondescript intern.
Jordan continues:
"Looking towards the future. When the girl turns around 30+ or 40+ she will realize she can’t land that top 5% guy. She will start looking for an average guy to settle for and take care of her financially. She really is settling for this guy who she wouldn’t even consider years ago, but she must. She realizes she isn’t getting any younger and needs to make a move … So she will be 80 years old have raised a family with a man she settled for … That or maybe she will 'not settle' and instead stay single likely for the rest of her life waiting to catch her top 5% prince. Both choices are crappy for her in the long run."
Another Quora user sums it up even more succinctly:
"Do 90% of women really only seek 10% of all men?
Only until around the age of 30, somewhere around that age they will have an epiphany and realize it is time to secure their retirement plan.
Many if not most of them will find a retirement plan much harder to secure than they ever imagined it could be, ending up cat ladies and drinking boxed wine."
Tough Love and Harsh Realities
After the constant attention, matches and hook ups of their whirlwind twenties fail to yield a quality partner, women whine and wonder "where are all the good men?"
Probably wherever those same women flippantly ignored them, in favour of casual sex-seeking smooth talkers, abusive "bad boys", moneyed-up show-offs, plastic gangsters and the other motley assortment of riffraff whose "confidence" they found attractive.
This is a perennial female trait that constantly leaves men shaking their heads: Women seem to actively select for assholes, then wonder why they only seem to attract assholes.
A lot of women reading this will no doubt be offended. Harsh reality checks have a habit of offending. But nothing I’ve written here is meant to antagonize. While many women who find themselves single in their thirties and forties have to bear much of the responsibility, there are others who genuinely don't deserve to be in that situation. Sometimes women - and men - ostensibly do everything right yet still fail to find an appropriate partner. They end up alone, not because they cavorted with dickheads, but because they carefully avoided dickheads. A truly high-caliber person has every right to seek out a partner of similar quality, but in a world full of idiots, good partners are hard to find at the best of times.
My message here is that women who think they're going to improve their odds by acting like spoiled, self-entitled princesses are deluding themselves big time.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, ladies, but odds are that white knight in shining armour and a Lamborghini Huracán is not coming to save you from a boring life of 9-5.
I know that’s not the message you’re getting from Hollywood, MTV, women’s publications and goofball influencers, but it’s the cold truth.
If Señor Huracán does come swashbuckling into your life, you can almost guarantee it will be a short-term endeavour. Señor Huracán, you see, knows full well he is attractive to women. The drool from their mouths when he drives past in his purring Italian thoroughbred kind of gives it away. Men who have access to lots of willing women become commitment averse, and tend to live by the dictum that variety is the spice of life. They use and discard women, enjoying the plentiful ease of sexual access that their wealth, status and/or looks endow them with.
It's at this point I can hear women exclaiming "all men are the same!", "all men are pigs! or "all men are [insert preferred misandrist epithet here]!"
A couple of key points in response:
First: Men like Señor Huracán are operating with the same supply-and-demand mentality that is endemic among women in their twenties.
Shoe doesn't look so great when it's on the other foot, does it?
Second: All men are not the same and all men are not porcine creatures. Señor Huracán represents only a small proportion of males, yet enjoys a disproportionately large amount of attention and sexual favours from women. When these women are discarded by Señor Huracán, and the reality dawns that he wanted them for one thing only, they become disenchanted and begin slagging off at the entire male species.
Which makes about as much sense as having a crap meal at KFC, then trashing the entire food industry.
"Bloody restaurateurs, they're all the same! They only want one thing!"
Just as blaming your local Thai restaurant for the misdeeds of a large American food chain is moronic, so too is blaming the majority of men you ignore for the misdeeds of the minority of men you unwisely date.
If there's one thing guaranteed to make men roll their eyes and get their backs up, it's being passed over by women but then having to listen to them piss and moan about how all men are the same and how all men are bastards.
Most men do not drive Lamborghini Huracáns nor do they treat the female species as a sexual smorgasboard.
Most men do not belong to The Patriarchy™, that elite group who employ, promote and pay exorbitant salaries to people like the shady Hillary Clinton, the corrupt Gladys Berejiklian and the clueless Nicola Spurrier.
Most men are not CEOs or tech billionaires. Most men work in jobs where they get the exact same salary as the females who work alongside them. I've worked a variety of jobs over the years, and in every instance I got the exact same hourly pay as my female colleagues. That includes the physically taxing warehouse job I took on during the 'pandemic' where, to make sure I kept getting called back in, my picking rate was a multiple of anyone else. Despite the fact I was effectively doing the work of three people, I didn't get paid a cent more per hour than any of the other males or females that worked there. So, ladies, if you start complaining to me about "pay gaps" and "glass ceilings" (from the comfort of your air-conditioned office), don't be surprised if you get a decidedly negative response.
Online Dating and the Rise of Sexual Assault
Not only are young women increasingly unrealistic with their expectations, they often display terribly poor judgement. For a group that reciprocates only 1.8% of received male matches on Tinder, they show a remarkable knack for selecting the worst of the worst:
Sex predators.
That's right, all this ego stroking is coming at a very steep cost. As I've written previously, the decades-long decline in sexual assault came to an abrupt halt and suddenly started climbing again around the very same time that Tinder was introduced. The app's big selling point is convenience, something that hasn't gone unnoticed by rapists.
The rise in sexual assault can't be blamed on a general crime wave, because other forms of violent crime have either stabilized or continued their decades-long downward trajectory.
The Failed Promise of Dating Apps
Despite their seeming advantage on dating apps, a majority of US women say dating has become harder in the last 10 years.
Of the 15% of American adults who are single and looking, most were dissatisfied with their dating lives and said it was difficult to find people to date, according to a 2019 Pew Research survey.
While men and women reported equal levels of dissatisfaction with their dating lives, women were more likely to say they had particularly negative experiences. Most women who were single and looking (65%) said they experienced at least one of six harassing behaviors from someone they were dating or had been on a date with. This compared with 50% of men who were single and looking.
Despite being far more likely to perceive increased risk – both physical and emotional – when it came to dating, women were slower to recognize the role of technology in the deterioration of the dating arena. For their part, men were more likely than women to cite technology as a reason dating has gotten harder.
As I wrote last week, nearly a third of men under 30 aren't having sex, nearly triple the number who were going without a decade ago. For women under 30, that rise was less than 10 percent. So while they’re not being impacted as severely as men in this regard, the fact remains that more women under 30 are going without intimate relations compared to a decade ago.
More Women are Single and Childless, and Not All of Them Want Be
In 2020, for the first time ever, the majority of UK women reached the age of 30 childless. More than half (50.1%) of women in England and Wales born in 1990 were without a child when they turned 30, the first generation ever to do so, according to the Office for National Statistics (ONS).
That is almost three times higher than the lowest number of women ever to be child-free at 30 (17.9% of those born in 1941).
The ONS deems childbearing age to end the day before a women turns 46. Of women aged 45 years and born in 1975, 18% were childless, with 17% having only one child, both of which are increases compared with their mothers' generation (both 13%).
Some argue that a 5% absolute drop in the number of women reaching 45 with no kids is no big deal. But the prime child-bearing years of these women, remember, occurred well before the highly dysfunctional Tinder era.
The situation is likely to get worse and, contrary to feminist propaganda, a lot of this will not be by choice.
A YouGov poll released in January 2020 found among young Brits who were not already parents, a definite minority did not ever want to have kids. Among 18-24 year olds, 47% said they do want to have kids with a further 30% saying they did not want kids just yet but may want them in the future. Among 25-30 year olds, the corresponding figures were 39% and 28%, respectively.
Here in Australia, about half of willing women report they either haven't had a child or haven’t had the number of children they hoped for by age 49. Their likelihood of successfully playing catch-up after that age is essentially zero.
Women Are More Likely to End Up Single When They’re Older
So long as they remain healthy and financially solvent, the news isn’t all bad for men. As men age, they are more likely to remarry than their female counterparts. What's more, almost universally, men marry younger women. As their age of remarrying rises, the age gap between them and their younger wives increases. Women, in contrast, tend to remarry with older men.
A 2014 Pew Research study found only 5% of newlywed men in their first marriage had a spouse who was 10 years younger, and 10% married a woman who was 6-9 years younger.
The picture changed dramatically with remarriage. Some 20% of men who were newly remarried had a wife at least 10 years their junior, and another 18% married a woman 6-9 years younger.
The differences stem from evolutionary-ingrained gender traits. A study of 37 cultures by renowned evolutionary psychologist David M Buss found females valued cues related to resource acquisition in potential mates more highly than males. In contrast, characteristics signaling reproductive capacity were valued more by males than by females.
In other words, men are hard-wired to seek healthy, younger partners to maximize their chances of bearing healthy offspring. Women are hard-wired to seek men with the resources (wealth, social status) required to optimize their own survival and that of their offspring.
A 2007 paper by Finnish researchers reported that men in historical monogamous Sami populations maximized their reproductive fitness by marrying women approximately 15 years younger.
A 2010 review using Danish data found men with younger wives tended to live longer than men with wives closer to their own age. The first possible explanation is that healthier or more active men, who tend to liver longer anyway, are able to attract younger women. The second possible explanation is that there is something psychologically, sociologically, or physiologically beneficial for a man in a relationship with a younger spouse.
While some segments of society like to denigrate significant age gaps between older men and younger women as 'creepy', such relationships make sense in an evolutionary context. The evidence from modern populations also indicates they are a perfectly rational and beneficial choice for men. Personally, I think they're far less creepy than unions between heavily-botoxed, tattooed, fake-tanned and similarly-aged Instagram attention whores who look like Barbie and Ken gone wrong … but maybe that's just me.
Bottom Line
Society is in the midst of an unprecedented social experiment, one that is going to leave record numbers of people single, childless and lonely.
At first glance, the record number of sexless men and the MGTOW and “incel” phenomena would indicate men are bearing the brunt of these changes.
The data, however, show women are struggling with these changes too, despite the seeming advantages of their roaring twenties. Over the longer-term, women are the most likely to end up single and alone.
The situation will not be resolved using the current adversarial approach, which pits males and females as combatants in what feminists and men’s rights groups evidently view as a winner-takes-all contest.
Arguments about which gender gets the most privileged treatment, or which is the most manipulative and conniving, overlook the reality that both genders are going to end up losers if things continue on their current trajectory.
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